Excuses…Excuses — (0:39) Ao5 with a Cast

Here’s a dirty little (not-so-)secret fact: I’m a mediocre cuber. Indeed, mediocrity is, in a sense, the raison d’être of this blog.

me·di·o·cre [mee-dee-oh-ker]
of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate
     synonyms: undistinguished, commonplace, pedestrian, everyday; run-of-the-mill
     antonyms: extraordinary, superior, uncommon, incomparable

More accurately, I’d say that I’m a pretty good cuber, but a very mediocre speedsolver. My technique is decent. I know all PLLs and can execute them efficiently. I understand intuitive F2L very well, and have learned a lot of tricks for more complicated cases. And I’ve got about 60% of the OLLs under my belt. But when it comes to putting them all together into full solves, I’m just not that great. My cross stinks. My look-ahead is non-existent. And, under the pressure of the clock, I tend to confuse F2L cases and forget OLL cases. That’s why I average just under 30 seconds.

And that’s why I very rarely record full solves and, even more rarely, averages. Well, after my surgery and with this damn cast still on my arm (¡au voir mañana!), I thought I could record an average of 5 (Ao5) with a built-in excuse. And so I did. Here’s the video with a 39 second Ao5 (and with BIG apologies for so much of it being out of frame!):

(puzzle: Dayan Zhanchi w/ Cube Specialists fitted bright stickers; music: String Cheese Incident performing “Galactic > So What?” on 7.30.03)

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Prose for the Cyst

(A Seuss-ified Tale, Based on Actual Events)**
On his wrist, on his wrist…
There’s a cyst on his wrist

I insist, I insist!
There’s a cyst on his wrist

Announced Bartholomew Griffinelbist
Yelling and pounding the air with his fist

Oh dear, what a shame, I just can’t resist
To ask who it is with cyst in his wrist

It is he of the cube, said Griffinelbist,
The one dubbed the cubing adventurer-ist

‘Tis a shame that his wrist seems so badly kissed
Under the skin a boulder from ole Sisyphus

Through pain and discomfort and a drive through the mist
To the surgeon he went, seeking help to enlist

Any method to erase all that seemed to exist
In connection with the giant cyst in his wrist

Excise it, we’ll do, the surgeon he hissed
With the help of a good anesthesiologist

On Thursday upcoming au revoir to the cyst
To that bump that surely will never be missed

Concluded Bartholomew Griffinelbist

** Written in 10 minutes, without editing, as part of a creative writing exercise.
In other words, excuse the metering anomalies, contrivedness, and clunkiness.